Things no one tells you about being a mom

There are things about being a mommy that no one tells you about.
The weeks of feeling like you were run over by a semi.
The 2 am I-have-no-idea-why-this-kid-won't-stop-screaming-so-I'm-just-going-to-lay-down-and-cry-with-her.
The realization that you may never have the time to shave both of your legs in full again.
The 4 am ridiculous daddy sneeze that scares the hee-bee jee-bees out of baby so you have to rock
her for 30 minutes before she's convinced the world will carry on after all.
The proud sense of accomplishment when you suck a giant booger out using that little blue bulb. How very cranky you will be when they wake you up early in the morning and how quickly it disappears when you see the big smile on her face.
How many outfits they go through a day.
How many outfits you go through a day.
The different colors and consistencies of poop you will google.
How rocking your baby medium paced in your arms in the bathroom in front of the mirror with the blowdryer on high and the water running can quiet a fussy baby.
The heartbreak you will experience when they have to get shots.
It will now take you at least an extra hour to leave the house.
Baby socks? Don't bother.
How hilarious baby farts are.
And of course, how much you will love your baby,it's unreal.