My adventures in breastfeeding.

I knew I wanted to breastfeed. I had no idea what I was signing up for. From day one she had no idea how to latch. The lactation consultant pressured me into using a nipple shield with sugar water. It worked perfectly. I had no idea I was destroying any chance she had of nursing. When we took her home she had jaundice. She wasn't getting enough milk. I cried and cried as Jared took her in the other room and gave her a bottle of formula that she sucked down furiously. After taking a bottle she would no longer latch even to the nipple shield. I tried and tried until we were both in tears. I Googled everything I could. Only to learn that I had been set up for failure. A breastfeeding relationship is best established when before the baby is weighed and cleaned it is put skin to skin with the mothers chest and allowed the time it needs to latch. A baby will not starve. It will figure it out given an honest chance. Luckily I had a breast pump. So I pumped and I pumped. Every 2 hours day and night. Plus waking up to feed the baby. I was a zombie. After 12 weeks I was able to start every 3 hours and eventually every 4. I have been as many as 70 ounces ahead of her! Oh that was a wonderful time. Either a big growth spurt or my inability to pump as often while out of town caused me to be behind again. I have been supplementing a bottle of formula a day just to keep up. Some days I can make it without. Ibtried fenugreek and it worked great except it may or may not have been the culpritbof a mean diaper rash. So i stopped and will try again when it clears. I'm back to pumping every 2-3 hours. I do believe I'm the last zombie mom left. All of the others are feeding formula, adding cereal, or feeding solids too early. I'm exhausted. I want to cave in and give her something to make her sleep longer. She still wakes every 2 hours to eat. But I won't. I don't know where my drive comes from but its strong.I know that exclusive breastmilk or in my case I guess as close as I can get is what's best for her. I simply must continue. I don't judge anyone who does differently. This is just what I know is best for us. But I sure will be happy in a couple of weeks to feed her first solids and sleep a little longer at a time. Seems like a dream right now!